Forgotten
by MJ1010
Summary: Meredith realizes that even the damaged and broken could learn to believe in love. kind of lenghthy. hope u enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

I don't believe in fairy tales. My life has been too dark and scary to allow thoughts of "_normal_ _people"_ happy to enter my mind. Which is why, as I try on my gorgeous white dress and look at my gorgeous friends surrounding me with smiles, my stomach drops and anxiety creeps in. I over react as they place a tiny arrangement of white flowers in my hair. And I can't breath once they give me a hand picked bouquet, filled with flowers that mock me and say, "_This is it. Forever_.", in my hands. I close my eyes and shut out the background noise and I think back to why I'm doing this to begin with. Why I am torturing myself, and going through with a normal person's wedding. Sometimes in life you have to take a moment to accept the choices you make, ignore the lingering doubts and just let go. I, Meredith Grey, am learning how to let go...

"Meredith." I hear my name being said gently, as if it were a caress. The light, so bright, blinded me momentarily. "Mer," Its repeated. When I open my eyes, and they adjust to the light, the vision I see in front of me takes my breath away. It always has. Derek Shepard. My piece of paper husband. I see his stubble he has yet to shave, his kind eyes waiting patiently for me to wake up and his smile. That crooked one sided smile was my undoing the day we met so long ago.

He kisses my forehead gently before getting off of our bed. Derek opens the curtains brighter as I pull the comforter over my head. I don't do bright. And he knows it. He laughs as he pulls away, my refuge from the daytime, comforter. Without noticing how handsome he looks, Derek runs a hand through his wavy black hair and I didn't stand a chance in the comforter war. He won, unfairly using his looks against me. My neurosurgeon husband paces back and forth. "You're making me dizzy." I say, trying to sound grumpier then I am. "Its too early for this nervous pacing stuff. Everything ok?" He stops and looks at me. The love I see in his eyes for me takes my breath away. Its still hard to believe someone like him could love someone like me. Broken and damaged people rarely found their happily ever after's.

He sits down next to me on the bed and sighs in frustration. I wait for him to find his words. Outside our door I hear my room-mates hurrying to get ready to head to the hospital. "I...," he begins. " Have I told you how beautiful you look in the morning?" I laugh. "Have I told you what a great liar you are?" He leans in and kisses my lips. Gently tapping his with mine. I sigh in contentment. This is how I hope we stay. Simple. Happy. Us.

Derek rests his forehead on mine. I try to suppress my trepidition and concern. "What do you think about taking a vacation? Far away from all of this. Just me, you, a hut tub, and those fruity cocktail drinks with the umbrella's inside?" He looks at me with tired eyes. There are bags underneath from the lack of sleep. We just finished working a 48 hour shift and now we have to go back. Life doesn't stop and give you vacation time. No matter how tempting it is. "Fruity drinks, huh? I'm more of a beer and peanuts girl but that would be nice. Not possible. But nice." I smile at him but he hesitates in returning that smile. Something was bothering him. If it was something dark and scary, I could handle it. Like I said I was an expert.

The day flew by. I barley saw any of my friends. I desperately needed a Christina, best friend make my day better with sarcasm break, but I couldn't find her. Patient after patient, I sewed stitches, swabbed cuts, and filled out endless paper work. After a while the words began to blur on the pages in front of me. It was time to go home and no sign of Derek. I searched office after office and he was nowhere to be found. My body ached and I gave up. Walking outside, the rain kissed my cheeks. The sound of it tapping on the roof was almost soothing. I saw a figure in the distance. I could recognize it anywhere. Derek.

He was holding a single red balloon as he walked towards me. Confused, I waited for him to make it underneath the tiny ledge, my shelter from the wet, cold night. His hair drooped down into his eyes. He studied my face, silently. I blushed from the intensity. Derek took my hand as he whispered into my ear, "Dance with me." Holding the balloon and me, we swirled into the rain fast and like children. When out eyes met, we slowed. I put my head on his chest. The love I felt swelled inside me. He kissed my cheek as he gave me the balloon. "Happy Birthday." I hoped the tears I cried were disguised by the rain.

"I completely forgot." He laughed. " I know. Everyone is waiting at our house. Its supposed to be a surprise but I know how much you love those, so I decided to warn you. Oh, and Izzie decorated the house so it looks like a birthday cake blew up in there." I refrained from rolling my eyes. She meant well. "Any chance we can stay out in the rain for a few more minutes alone?" I looked up at him. His eyes so tender and gentle looked down at me. " I am so in love with you." I couldn't respond. My throat was tight with more tears. It was evident in my eyes.

"There's just one more thing I would like to do before we go." In life, there are moments that are so surreal you have to pinch yourself to make sure your awake, that this is really happening to you. Derek got down on one knee. Grabbing my hand he began to speak. " Mer, there was a time when I was numb. Life, day after day, was nothing more then a routine. I saw no end to it, and I didn't mind. I buried myself in my work and that was enough for me. When I came to Seattle, I was so focused on making sure that life didn't effect me, that I didn't care about anything. Then I saw you at the bar. Flicking peanuts and taking shots of tequila. You were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. We've had our moments, where I thought I lost you. Moments I couldn't live through again if I had to. But then you came back to me. And you are still all I see. Only you. And you have it wrong Mer, it was never me that had to pick you, chose you, love you. You had me from the beginning. There was never a choice. I love you more then anyone in this entire world. Please, do me the honor of loving me forever. Be my wife Mer. Marry me." He had pulled the ring out and held it in suspension above my ring finger but I couldn't see it. I was too busy sobbing. And there, getting drenched by the rain, in front of the place that fate had made us meet, I said yes to Derek Shepard because he had said yes to me.


	2. Chapter 2

Conflict, its inevitable. Turmoil, comes with conflict. Pain, a temporary emotion with a lingering presence. Even the good days seem like a distant memory. Even the best intentions get torn down. And even when you think you're in the clear, when life gives you a sense of freedom and urges you to let go, what you hoped would catch you lets you hit the ground...

"You officially look like one of those annoyingly perfect, "_Oh my, look at me_!" types. Congratulations." Cristina says as she buttons the back of my dress.

"_Oh my look_ _at me_ as in, I can't even look in the mirror, ill get annoyed? Or _look at me_, as in I look normal for a day against my will?" I ask her nervously.

Her opinion means the most to me. As she looks at me and smirks, I know she'll be kind today. Even if she's dying to be brutally honest.

"You look beautiful. Against your will. McDreamy will be happy even if your not." She said the last few words with hesitation.

She knows this isn't me. The flowers. The dresses. The smiling. And she wonders why I said yes. One day she'll feel the same when her time comes.

Rushing into the room, out of breath, is Izzie. She inspects everyone's gowns, hair and make up. I try to hide from her. She finds me and frowns.

"Mer, don't you want to look perfect." Her eyes are huge, filled with annoyance and hope that I do.

I grind my teeth in response. "Um, yea. Of coarse." I try to smile for her and she rolls her eyes seeing right through me. Her pager vibrates. She was the only one on-call. She sighs and she rushes back out.

"One of these days, I will manage to get her to be normal. Our kind of normal. One that doesn't require constant smiling and cheerfulness." Christina brags trying to make me laugh.

"Right. Our kind of normal." Deep down I know our kind isn't normal at all.

Miranda Bailey walks in the dressing room. She smiles at me. Her eyes filled with pride. She hugs me tight like I am her daughter rather then the naïve young lady who started as an intern and caused mayhem for her daily. I return the smile, genuinely. Everyone buzzed around me, all talking and I was getting more nervous by the second. I didn't even notice Izzie tap me on the shoulder. She had to do it three more times.

"Mer, its Derek." Her eyes gave her away. My stomach filled with dread. Something awful had happened. There were tears in her eyes. The room fell silent. All eyes on me. I could feel the weight of all those gazes held in suspense. Izzie began to sob.

"He…" She paused, "Got into an accident on the way here. He's already at the hospital. In surgery. It's critical." There were a few sharp intakes of breath from those around me. I remained silent. I didn't blink. I didn't speak. I froze. "Izzie, are you sure?" I heard Miranda vaguely. I saw Izzie shake her head. Still, I didn't move. "Lets get you out of this dress." Cristina said.

There was a scream. And I was surprised to find it came from me. "NO! I have to walk down the isle. Derek is waiting for me. It has to be perfect. He deserves perfect."

I saw my friends exchange glances. "Um, Meredith… did you hear what I said?" Izzie's voice was faint.

"I'm ready. Tell the pianist he can start playing. I can't keep Derek waiting." There were murmurs of voices. But I couldn't hear them. I couldn't move my feet. I felt someone place their hand on my elbow and walk me to a chair. I don't remember sitting.

Hours later, after everyone had left, they found me sitting in the same position. I did not shed a single tear. I was numb. "I'm going to drive you to see him, Mer. He's still in surgery. Broken leg and internal bleeding. But I know you would rather be around him then here." Cristina says somberly.

I looked up with blankness in my eyes as Cristina helped me up. I refused to change out of my dress, so we drove together in silence, in a dress that was supposed to be my "happiest say of your life" dress. Now, I will remember this dress. Not a detail will leave my mind. Not one flower, not one bow. Because this dress represents the day I died.

I stood in the rain staring at the double doors to the entrance of Seattle grace for what seemed like an eternity. Funny, I used to think of this place as home. I knew every supply closet, every patient room and every stairway better then I knew myself. Now I just saw it as the last place on earth I would want to be. Christina grabbed my hand and gently walked me to his room. I almost got sick at the sight of him. He was covered in bruises and casts. The white dress gowns contrasted his dark skin. All I wanted to do was run a hand through his hair. But once again, I couldn't move.

This was not Derek. _My_ Derek wouldn't leave me. _My_ Derek picked me. _My_ Derek…And just like that I began to cry. Rivers of tears rapidly fell down my face. I smeared my make up trying to wipe them away. I felt a strong hand on my shoulder.

The chief. "We've stabilized him for now. It was a drunk driver Mer. The police have him in custody. We're going to keep an eye on Derek. We can't afford to lose him." I looked up at him with such sadness in my eyes that he pulled me in for a hug. "I'm so sorry." I rest my head on his chest. I was sorry too. Sorry that I believed that anything good could happen to me. Sorry that I would never smile again if I lost Derek. And sorry that I was officially broken inside and would never be whole again.

There are times when life tests you. It throws curve balls at you to see if you will break. Succumb to fear of striking out. Even the best laid plans can be broken. You may make it to first or second base, but perfection doesn't exist just because we want it to. Life, is unpredictable and comes with no guarantees. And there is no certainty that you will ever make it home again.

I held his hand for a week straight. Derek was in a coma. My life was in disarray. I didn't leave his side. I wanted him to know i was there but I couldn't find the voice to speak to him. I thought of all the things we hadn't done. All the things we should have said. I cried so hard at one point a nurse came in thinking it was him moaning in pain. By week two it was decided I should shower and eat something. I didn't do any of it on my own. I had help. Someday I would thank my friends. Someday.

Week three was the hardest. My job began to suffer. But I didn't care. He needed me. I would be here.

Week four, rain poured down on the streets below. It beat against the window in its windy rage. I felt the same rage. I could relate.

Week five, I slept for over an hour when I felt a stir. I looked up with tired eyes at his fingers. They twitched. Excitement coursed through me. Then I heard him speak. They were the most beautiful words. "So," His voice scratchy from not using it, "How about that vacation?" I broke down and cried so hard that I lost myself.

Two months later, life gave us each other and we took advantage. I wanted to wait for him to heal, but Derek was adament about not wasting another second apart. The wedding was on a beach. And every guest had fruity tropical drinks. I had him and he had me. He took my hand and lead me down to the water. He still limped from the accident. The sunset cast a bright orange glow against the clear blue water. "We finally got this marriage thing right." I looked down at my feet as the water covered them and pulled away. " It's the only thing I've done right. I almost lost you." I couldn't speak of that day without crying. "But you didn't. I came back to you." I sighed in contentment as I placed my head on his shoulder. "Yes, and I'm never letting you go."


End file.
